Thank you, Kevin

Yesterday, the keeper led a funeral service for a beautiful young man whom she met when he was about 4 or 5. He died last week at age 22. He had a difficult life, and he arose each with courage to try to live beyond the anxiety, the doubts, the pain. His funeral was such a powerful celebration in a packed church--young, old, his friends, his parents' friends, his partner, his sister, his uncles and aunts. There were eulogies of words, of song, of rap, of tears, of laughter. One short life touched so many, with encouragement, with humor, with love.

As the keeper said, Kevin's life was a love story, God's love for him, and his love for us as best he was able. That love was not the stuff of valentines, but "harsh and dreadful" which pushed
all beyond their capacity to love, forgive, embrace, imagine.

Kevin had written a wonderful note in purple marker on green construction paper to the keeper when she left that church. But now she wants to turn around and share that same note back to him: Dear Kevin,

Thank you for being nice to me. I am very sad that you are leaving. I will miss you too. It would be nice if you could stay. I hope you will have a nice time in your new home. I love you too!

Wishing for an Easter Miracle

Hi everyone, it's me, Alice. I am sorry that we haven't been posting many blogs lately. I have been a little lonely without my friend, and it hasn't helped that the keeper has been working 7 days a week and mostly not at home. I have the house to myself, all the toys, catnip, and I never run out of food. The litter area is cleaner than it has ever been. This is the life cats in shelters dream about. But I am lonely. I miss Stassi, and I spend my days staring out at his grave, hoping for a miracle, but all I see is the ground and the birds visiting.

The keeper has mentioned that she might get me a new playmate, but I am not sure if I am ready yet. Although it is hard, I want the keeper all to myself, even if she isn't home as much.
I will keep hoping for the miracle, even though the keeper tells me it will not occur. So, I hope the miracle of spring resurrection will happen to me. The keeper tells me that this is what Lent is about.

The Bright Sadness

The keeper is trying to tell me all about Lent. I was trying to tell her she had a big black blotch on her forehead, but she wouldn't listen. She talked about Alexander Schmeman who called Lent the bright sadness. And I believe that will be the tone of our Lent this year: the keeper and I will observe a bright sadness. The loss of our friend is still on our hearts, and now, the loss of one of her younger parishioners named Kevin. She liked him so much. But he lived a valiant life. She ate less today, but thank God, cats do not practice fasting, almsgiving, and we always pray. She said its all about letting our hearts be healed of false attachments. It's all about becoming free enough to be human. I don't think I will ever be human. But I feel pretty free already. The keeper stayed home and worked all day and I snuck out to the neighbors' yard and snooped and marked. And raced home like a bullet, and almost had an asthma attack on the living room carpet. The neighbors are getting a new roof. Stassi would not have liked the noise. The birds are getting high on holly berry juice. They are very silly. The keeper saw two eagles while she walked yesterday. The were hanging out over the Burke Gilman trail. A good portent.

Remembering Stassi IV

We selected this photo because it captured the gentler kittenish side that never left Stassi, who always imagined himself a fierce and independent hunter. He had a way of waiting for the keeper every day, and he wasn't afraid to rush to the door, ostensibly to go out, but also to greet her. I would lounge in my cat bed because I knew she would come looking for me. It has been a week now, and I have started to sit with the keeper in the den. I have kept vigil at the window for a week, and it is time to move on.

Spring is coming. The forsythia are blooming. We have the daphne in the house and it is aggravating my asthma, but I will let the keeper keep her favorite flower. The daffodils have buds bulging. It's spring and we are still feeling a wintry chill here, but the keeper says it will pass with time. It's raining and a little dark out. That helps set the mood.

The keeper was supposed to go to a party at the cathedral tonight, but she forgot to buy a ticket, and didn't really feel like going anyway. So the two of us stayed home for a night together. We didn't talk much though. She worked on a talk in English for Tuesday night.

Remembering Stassi III

Alice here. My brother Stassi was a hunter. He hunted till the last few minutes of his life. The keeper says that in the vet's examination room he sniffed out every corner and drawer, and even batted at imaginary bugs on the wall. The pictures above are from his hunting expedition this past summer. He found the mouse under the house, and stalked it for hours, and finally brought it indoors for us to admire. He never would have killed it. It was a toy and a badge of honor for him. The keeper trapped it and put it in a spinach container and then he spent hours watching it and admiring his work. I grew bored quickly but he was fascinated till the keeper made the box and mouse go away. But he strutted around all afternoon and evening, and I was proud to say that we shared the same home. The day before he died he checked out the whole yard, hoping for another shot at a mouse or little bird. No such luck. They can all rest a little easier now. The great hunter is pursuing greater game elsewhere.

Remembering Stassi in Peace

It's Alice again. I never had any idea that I would have to become the one who dictates the blog posts to the keeper. I would like to report on our new life since our dear friend Stassi died. Our world is a little quieter, and I have been very sad, and so has the keeper. There is an aching in our hearts for our friend's presence and meowing, and scratching and purring and dragging toys out in the middle of the night and singing to us. There is a holy emptiness for all he meant to us. But we think he is at peace now because we are becoming more peaceful. We lit more candles outside tonight at our little "Kittyrood" in the back yard and they warm our hearts. But now we are gathering memories. The keeper has 15 years worth of memories and she has asked me to share them with you in the next few weeks.

Good Night, Sweet Prince

His Royal Highness, Prince Anastassi

July 1995-February 6, 2010

The royal family sadly announces that our beloved Prince Anastassi died a very peaceful death this afternoon in the keeper's arms. His kidneys had begun to shut down, and it is a strong possibility that he was in the final stages of feline lymphoma.

The keeper brought home and he was buried next to his best friend, Lord Downs, who preceded him in death five years ago. Prior to his burial, the keeper and Lady Alice, had a small wake for him, a procession around the back and front yards to all of his favorite spots and marking areas. They filled his grave with his toys, his catnip, and photos of him and Downs at play. They planted catnip and rosemary and lit candles at both graves for a night vigil. Alice kept watch from her window perch in the bedroom.

Stassi had a very privileged life, better than the lives of many humans. He had a long life, and narrowly escaped death several times many years earlier. We believe that Lord Downs met him on the road and we hope they are already playing with out collars, without borders, without pain.

We also are grateful for the presence of his royal crankiness in our lives. He has been a steadfast hunter, entertainer, and sly lover.

The keeper believes that he died with his somewhat sly and deviant sense of humor. He spent the last week at home resting most of the day on top the heat vents. At the vets today as the keeper and he were spending their final moments together, before the vet came in to help him cross into Cat Heaven, he found a heating vent. The keeper thought he was resting on it. Not so! He emptied his very full bladder from the bags and bags of fluids they had been pushing for almost a day, into the heat vent as his final signature and mark!

Stassi, you live in our hearts! We will miss you so much!

Stassi in Hospital

Alice here again. I 'm not much of a writer, but the keeper is urging me to develop the skill. I am filling in for my brother Stassi tonight because life at the homestead is becoming more complicated. As you recall, last night we left you off with the story of sick Stassi and some dire warnings from the vet. Today, he was a little better...still moping around the heater vent and not eating much until the keeper opened the tuna can, and then he mostly drank the juice. But he went out and prowled a bit several times, marking our yard, yet was quick to come back in. He seems to do better when he is outside. You can see him above asking to come in. But he doesn't look too bad there. The keeper worked all day at home to keep watch on him, but she was working a lot and that was probably pretty good, given the fact that he was getting frustrated with her constant checking.

Then his favorite vet, Dr. Smalley, called back in late afternoon with news of serious kidney problems and wanted him to come in and stay over night so they could fill him with fluids and antibiotics and a few more tests. Next thing we knew, the cat carrier was rushed into the house, she placed him in it as he howled and they were off. So he is at Northgate Vet tonight being pampered and revived, we hope. Dr. Smalley is more hopeful than the other vet. But we don't have all the tests in yet. Dr. S suggested that perhaps he slurped some antifreeze....Stay tuned for tomorrow.

In the meantime, the keeper went out to a fancy-schmancy dinner, but got there a bit late and didn't really enjoy it. She didn't really want to go, but felt she should. She usually likes mingling with 2000 of her favorite people. But she had other things on her mind. She left early so she could be home with me, and to work some more on a presentation and on flight reservations for a group she is taking someplace.

Oh, and thanks for asking about me, Alice. I am enjoying my solitude, yet I miss my brother. The keeper gave me Stassi's untouched food for dinner tonight. It was way better than my health food. The keeper says I am too fat. She's right. I need to go to Biggest Loser camp for cats.

Stassi is My Friend

Hi there. It's Alice again. Stassi is still not up to writing. The keeper took him to the vet tonight to have his ears checked, and the regular vet wasn't there, but the other vet decided that he didn't have an abcess, but did have infected ears. But the vet was more concerned about his intestines and his weight loss. So he had x rays and blood and tissue sampled from his stomach. they are concerned he may have a serious disease. He came home, got out of his cat carrier, ate some of the stinky cheap food the keeper bought to entice him to eat, and then wanted to go out. He sat in the light rain on the deck staring at us. Then he came back in and settled into his favorite spot over the heating vents. We hope he is going to get better. He is so feisty, but right now he looks tired. I will stop picking on him for a while until he gets better. He keeps reminding us that he is 15, and that's 105 in people years.

Remembering Calvin

The picture above is a pretty good one of our old friend Calvin. He lived next door outside, but in the last year of his life he adopted us, and actually lived partly inside with us. He was really old, and had lung disease from sleeping up in the asbestos insulation in the neighbors' rafters. But he became quite adorable toward the end, and would wait patiently on the front steps for the keeper to come home every day. In 2008, on the feast of the Epiphany, he asked to go outside, and he never returned. The keeper looked for him for days. His owners believed he wanted to go out into the forest and sleep for good. Maybe he did. But we waited for him to return to us for over a month. Eventually we became accustomed to a day without his little -impaired lung mews and his matted coat. But somedays, like today, we remember him fondly and hope he is doing well in cat heaven with all of our other friends. We know we will see him again.

True Nature is Never Spent

OK, the keeper snuck outside when we went out this afternoon. She thought she had lost the whole application and needed a break. So she explored the gardens with us. The daphne is almost ready, the new shoots are blasting through the brown leaf ground cover like green flames, and the birds are singing. And we marked the territory. Stassi sat reflectively in the leaves. He's feeling a wee bit better. She put oil in his ear. He didn't like it much. The keeper couldn't resist weeding. And then she went back to face the computer. The grant will be done by tomorrow. That's what she says, at least.

Cat Heaven, Keeper Toil

Here we are. It's another afternoon in paradise. When Stassi isn't feeling well, we feast on tuna and chicken and cheap catfood that has flavor. And we nap in the den. Meanwhile the keeper sat all day at her computer in the den trying to finish a grant proposal. She also did laundry as a relief, and some cleaning. It didn't seem like paradise.

Stassi at (Sick) Bay II

Hi from Alice. I am writing for Stassi. He is not feeling well again and has been sleeping on the heat vents. He is cranky, and won't play. But he goes out and comes back in quickly. The keeper is feeding him tuna to keep him interested in eating. He won't tell her what is wrong. She won't let me eat his tuna. She thinks he may have some tooth problems. I am guessing he may have to go and visit Dr. Smalley, but please don't tell him. I want him to get well so we can play again.

Repose--4th Sunday of Ordinary Time

It was a beautiful Sunday evening and the sun was slipping into Elliott Bay before 5:30 Mass at the Cathedral.

Hot Water!

The wonderful FAST water heater man came and built a wall and made our cellar earthquake proof and gave us a new water heater that fits the new zoning code. They didn't actually give it to us--the keeper tells me that it cost plenty! But we have hot water now! The keeper is happier when we have hot water.